Clearing the field.

Posted on 2 min read

I recently wrote a story about a local Brazilian waxing boutique.  I’d never had a Brazilian before, but in order to write about it, I had to experience it. Not for the faint of heart. With my legs splayed, I felt as exposed as a snail ripped from its shell, and pain like a slapped sunburn.  I stopped short of the Brazilian.  Bikini wax was plenty. I might do it again…

Why do some women feel the need to remove all of their hair?  I know that a hairless pelvic region is not new.  You don’t see bush coming out of Venice D Milo’s gown.  But, does that make it right? I’m not usually the very last girl to see a hem line change or a chunky accessory appear…but the whole “it’s normal not to have any hair down south” style completely passed me by.

In general my position is if your partner can’t find what’s important down there without a bare spot in the forest, then maybe he or she is not prepared for the hike and doesn’t deserve to go mucking about. It’s like Survivor, the reality show, how much help do we give these people?

The other thing about a bald ‘hoo-ha’ is how much it looks pre-pubescent; a little disconcerting.  Porn much?

I understand I sound like a hairy, old, boring feminist, but shouldn’t ‘Queenie’ be given any credit for maturing like a fine wine.  Must women look like their daughters for sexual inspiration?

 I’m not advocating the Angela Davis, although if that were the trim trend, and women didn’t have to endure shaving, waxing, lasering, and electroylisizing, maybe we’d be a little less cranky. 

 Then there’s the Vagazzle. Brought to people’s attention by the oh so sage Jennifer Love Hewitt (trend setter and author).  While on the Lopez show to promote her self-help dating book, she said, “After a breakup a friend of mine Swarovski-crystaled my ‘precious lady’ and it shined like a disco ball. So I have a whole chapter about how ladies should vagazzle their va-jay-jays.”  All this for a burst of bling to your ‘kitty’ drawing people to you like a bee to a bud. 

I’ll try not to throw-up. I only hope I live to see the Penazzle

Personally, the exotic wonderland between my thighs is more Brazilian rainforest than Rio beach. The National Cancer Institute has identified 3000 plants  that can fight and kill cancer cells and 70% are found in the rainforest. Best not to chop down too much.